Father's Day is coming up and, while we all love our dads - it's a scary thought that one day we will actually turn into them. There's no escaping this eventuality.
It's all in the genes, you see. For those who are worried that they might gradually be morphing into their father, here are ten warning signs to watch out for. Once you recognise a few of these in yourself, it's time to accept it - you are your Dad.
1. You find yourself baffled by modern technology
One minute, you're fine - you definitely know your WAP from your SMS. Then before you know it, the phone salesman is talking gobbledegook. Hypertransumation protocols? Interisational capabilities? Your may be nodding and smiling politely but your inner self is a whirlwind of turmoil and confusion screaming "Please, let me go!"
2. You make a 'huufff' noise every time you sit down, stand up or bend over
Perhaps it's a genuine medical condition or more likely it's a subconscious cry for help? "Help - I'm getting old!" perhaps?
3. The idea of spending many hours in a shed becomes appealing
For some reason, you now like making useless things out of random bits of wood and metal - pure workmanship at its best! Not forgetting your new habit of hoarding screws. From now on, you will never throw a screw away - NEVER!
4. You use Dad-Speak
You used to understand all the current slang. Now it's more like 'in my day', 'they don't make 'em like that anymore' and 'the youth of today'. It's Dad-Speak. Get used to it.
5. The Top 40 becomes a complete mystery
'What a bloody racket'. Every song seems to be the same these days, and for some incomprehensible reason you've started calling it the 'Hit Parade'.
6. Your attitude to driving changes
You're no longer a boy racer. Now, it's all about safety, economy, comfort...and parking as close to the toilets as possible.
7. Fashion - let's get practical
Style is overrated, warm and baggy is where it's at. A word of advice - men's shorts should not be worn with socks and sandals, this is a definite sign that you're turning into your dad. Maybe on women it could be sexy in a strange way, but on men - it's a definite no.
8. You worry about the health of scantily clad women
Rather than instantly fancying girls in short skirts, your first thought is 'I hope they don't catch a cold'.
9. Hangovers from Hell
Drinking half a beer now results in a hangover that can last up to seven weeks. It never used to be like this.
10. You dance like.... well, a dad at a wedding
Once upon a time, you had rhythm, you made shapes - you ruled the dance floor. What happened to you? Now your hips are swaying back and forth like a demented pendulum, you're clicking your fingers, winking and it's all happening to the sounds of... Agadoo.
At the end of the day, it could be worse - at least you're not turning into your mum. Well, unless those man-boobs get any more out of control... then that might actually be something to worry about.